Up For Debate (Love and Desire Book 1) Read online

  He too is soaked. His green T-shirt is clinging to him more than usual and I linger on his defined pecs and shoulders. His lean abdomen is on display under the shirt and it’s the first time I feel like I’ve seen his body. I’ve spent too much time locked in on his eyes that I failed to appreciate what might be under his clothes. He usually is dressed conservatively, slacks and button-downs for class but ripped jeans and T-shirt are his go-to when he’s relaxed. It’s what he was in the night we went out for our birthday too.

  “My place,” he says, looking over me with a half-cocked grin on his face as if he just caught me red-handed. I redirect my attention out the window. “I don’t think you have anything in your dorm that will fit me.”

  I discover that Lawson lives in a house he rents off-campus with Grant. It’s larger than the average cramped student housing and I’m not surprised he would have the nicest place within a five-mile radius of the campus. He’s good looking and even kind and funny, but he’s materialistic to a fault. The guy cares about and puts a lot of effort into his image.

  He looks at me as we pull to a stop outside his house. We are both still very wet, our clothes soaked and stuck to us. I’m worried that he’s more concerned about the water damage to the seats of his car but he hasn’t mentioned it yet.

  “Race you inside?” he blurts before grabbing for the car door handle and rushing out into the rain and toward the home. I burst out after him.

  “That’s not fair. Your side is closer to it.”

  I make it to the stoop, nestled in close to him under the portico, attempting to stay dry while he fiddles to find the right key. When he does get it unlocked, he cracks the door and slips inside… leaving me locked out.

  “Hey!” I shout as angrily as I can muster. I’m shivering from my soaked clothes even though the weather is still quite muggy. I jiggle the doorknob to find it locked and bang on the door three times before it cracks again, and he pulls me inside. Not just inside, pulls me to him.

  I bang on his chest with my fists. “You ass. I’m freezing.” He’s laughing despite my sharp attitude toward him.

  “You’re really beautiful, you know?”

  Gosh, he’s so cheesy. I was a bit exotic looking, I knew that. Especially amongst girls in the south where there wasn’t as much diversity. Dad and Momma took me to New York once, I didn’t feel quite as out of place there. People of every color and background roam the streets. So many differences that you wouldn’t even know where to begin to guess their heritage.

  “That must be why you have an affinity toward me.” I roll my eyes at him. “You sure do like to surround yourself with beautiful things.” I gesture around his house to the leather couches, big screen TV, and all the little smart home devices that no person in their twenties should be able to afford, especially while still in law school.

  “This wouldn’t have anything to do with what Cher mentioned yesterday, would it?” He eyes me cautiously, placing his hands on my shoulders and creating some space between us. “About you avoiding me? It’s because of my friends?”

  “No, Lawson. It’s not because of your friends. Grant and Finn are wonderful, I quite like them. It’s all the other bimbos you insist on flirting with all the time. If that’s your thing then fine but I just don’t want to be a part of it, and I would hope you could respect that.”

  “Oh come on, bimbos is quite harsh, don’t ya think? Look, Farah, I’m expected to run for Senate one day. One day that is much closer than I would like to think or stress about. Those moments don’t mean anything. It’s merely me networking, so yes, I make friends everywhere I go. I need to meet as many people as I can while I’m here so that in the next ten years when I’m putting a campaign together they look back and say ‘Oh yes, that Lawson Calhoun was a fine ol’ bloke.”

  “Are you running for senate in Europe? Because no one says ‘fine ol’ bloke’ here.” He smiles that politician smile of his, warm and engaging and makes you feel special when you pull it from him.

  “See, that’s why you’re special. You’re witty. I knew it the first moment we planned your classes. I just want to get to know you a little better. Humor me.”

  I’m special. His words warm me. I want to believe them but know his type too well to let myself fully soak them in.

  “Uuuggghhh, fine but can I do it after we change? These clothes are freezing.”

  He scrunches his face at me and flicks my nose with the tip of his finger and I just imagine those dog videos where they ‘boop’ their nose. He grabs my hand and pulls me behind him down a corridor to his room. I study it as he digs through a chest of drawers. It’s manly, sophisticated. Not a single centerfold or sports clipping to be seen on his walls. He tosses me a pair of grey sweatpants and a T-shirt.

  “You can wear these. Just cinch up the pants with the drawstring so they will fit you. You can change in here. I’ll go to the bathroom to change and meet you in the living room to do whatever you had planned… I hope it’s as good as what I’ve got running through my mind.” He winks and I pick up a pillow from his bed and chunk it at him at the door, but he closes it before it reaches him, and I can hear him laughing in the hallway. It’s deep and I like the sound of it.

  I change into his clothes and even though he isn’t a lot bigger than me, the clothes swallow me, everything is too long. I decide to leave my bra on not wanting him to see me through the T-shirt but decide to remove my underwear seeing no sense in staying in cold, wet underwear and I ball them up and stuff them into one of the large pockets of the sweatpants. I roll the sweatpants a couple of times so that my feet actually can be seen and head out toward the living room. Lawson is already saddled up on the couch wearing some sweatpants that are similar to the ones he gave me, and they hang low on his hips. He looks lean and athletic. His black T-shirt hugs at his chest and biceps and it makes me wish he would dress like this every day. He’s sitting smack dab in the middle of it and I add it to the list of psychopathic qualities about him. No one sits in the middle of the couch when given the option. You always want to lean against a shoulder of the couch. I pick one of the corners to his side and I’m now stuck with sitting infinitely closer to Lawson than I originally planned. He’s impeding on my ‘safe zone’ and he knows it. He’s going to pay for that. I consider starting Grey’s Anatomy on the season where Denny Duquette dies just to make him suffer a bit.

  I steal the remote from his hand and turn on his Netflix, noticing that most of the recent shows consist of action films or crime shows. This might be a rough night for him.

  I find Grey’s Anatomy and press start. I see Lawson rolling his eyes as the show starts and I giggle internally.

  “I sing in the shower,” Lawson says out of nowhere.

  What? “What?” I mimic my thoughts.

  “It was my turn for a random fact. I like to sing in the shower.”

  “I thought we were doing what I wanted to do now?”

  “We will. I’m just trying to get a few more things out of you before you start crying over the death of every character in this show.”

  I stare at him inquisitively. “You’ve seen this before?”

  “I have had one girlfriend before, Veronica, remember?”

  “Ah yes,” I stumble out. I wonder what made her the one he chose to actually date.

  “Your turn.”

  “I love Sour Patch Kids, but only the watermelon,” I say, still eyeing him skeptically.

  “I’ve never brought a girl to our place before,” he says matter-of-factly. I’m not sure why he’s telling me this. “We’ve had a get-together or two where we have lots of people over but never just me and another girl.”

  “What about Veronica?” I ask.

  “We were together back when I was in undergrad. I still lived in the dorms back then.”

  He didn’t have to answer that question, but he did, and I appreciate it. I have to admit it does make me feel a little better that I won’t find any ladies’ undergarments hidden in the couch
we are sitting on.

  “I can’t sleep in. I’m a chronic early riser.” I see Lawson growing restless with my distant responses, only giving him non-personal things to grab onto.

  “Okay, I’m just going to put myself out there. I want to kiss you again.” His blunt statement takes me by surprise and I’m pretty sure my eyes go wide.

  I’m silent for longer than is comfortable but I haven’t figured out how to respond. I liked our kiss. I liked it a lot, but I don’t appreciate the anxiety that Lawson makes me feel every time he pays more attention to other girls around him. I’m not signing up for that.

  “Farah?” Still crickets. He takes a loose tendril from my hair and tucks it behind my ear. He scoots in closer, leaning into me and I just watch it happen, like it’s a movie. The touch of his lips against mine is warm. When his tongue swipes over my bottom lip, my whole body lights up. He still tastes like banana pudding and it’s mesmerizing. I let him in, I open my lips a little wider and adjust to his kiss. Heat tumbles through me and he picks up speed, holding my face to his.

  He pulls back only briefly. “I have been wanting to do this all day,” he admits.

  I still don’t have it in me to say anything. I’m pretty sure even if I tried nothing would come out. I just continue to kiss him back and let his lips mesmerize me. He leans farther into me and I fall back into a laying position on the couch and he crawls on top of me. I’m not even mad that I’m missing the Grey’s episode right now. His hands hold me at my waist, scaling up my sides and grazing my body. Goose bumps pebble my skin and it feels like I’m on fire. Desperation fills me. Our breathing grows heavier as he continues the assault on my lips. His hands, large, find their way under the large T-shirt of his I am wearing, and I jump at the coolness of them.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles out but doesn’t stop.

  He continues to slide them up the sides of my ribs until he meets the resistance of my bra. He holds his hands there momentarily and I wonder if he will take it further. His teeth tug on my bottom lip and he moves his kisses down to my neck and right behind my ear and a small whimper releases. It’s as if that little noise is code for clearance to move forward and I feel his thumbs slip beneath the underwire of my bra until they find my nipples. He rubs over each of them lightly and in circles and I feel like I might become unglued. I am putty in his hands. Now it’s his turn to groan, and I swear it’s the sexiest sound I have ever heard. My mind wanders, wanting to know what he sounds like in bed, the noises he makes, the way his body flexes.

  A door slams shut, and we are both pulled from the moment. We sit up abruptly even though Grant and Finn can’t see exactly what we were doing from the entryway with the back of the couch facing them, there is no hiding our heavy breathing and uncomfortable shifting.

  “Oh hey y’all,” Grant says. “I was just going to grab a jacket and then we were going to head out to the pub. Y’all want to join us?”

  “No, thanks. I should prob head back to my dorm. I don’t want Cher to worry.”

  Grant nods his head and walks down the hallway toward what I assume is his room.

  “Hey Farah,” Finn says, a little surprised and caught off-guard. Maybe Lawson was telling the truth about never bringing girls over. “Good to see you again. How was your judicial processes class?”

  “Hey Finn! It was good! Thanks for those tips you gave me about Dr. Lawrence. It went really well.”

  “Yeah, anytime. Just let me know if you ever need help.”

  I smile at him and appreciate his kindness.

  “Well, let’s get you home.” Lawson stands and grabs his coat. I stand and wish I hadn’t because it becomes abundantly clear to Finn who is standing in the entryway still, that I’m wearing Lawson’s clothes and it looks worse than it really is.

  “We got caught in the rain earlier,” I attempt to explain. “Lawson, thankfully, let me borrow some of his stuff.”

  Finn just smiles and I wave at him, a bit embarrassed as we head out the door.

  Lawson and I drive back to my dorm mostly in silence, neither of us clearly ready to discuss what just happened back there. He parks outside the closest entrance to my room and I ask him to follow me back to my room so I can return his borrowed clothes. I offer to wash them before returning but he says not to worry about that. He waits patiently outside my door this time while I change and once I’m dressed, I open up the door and he’s there chatting with another guy I recognize that lives up the hall from me. When the guy sees me, he says he will see him later and heads off. Lawson turns back to me and I have his clothes folded neatly and hand them back.

  “So, Finn is helping you with some of your classes?”

  “No, he just gave me some tips the other day.”

  “The day when he carried your stuff to class for you?” Lawson lifts an eyebrow.

  Why is he going on about this again?

  “Yeah. He was just being nice.”

  “That’s Finn alright, always the nice guy.” He says it like he doesn’t really mean it and I wonder if there is more to their friendship than meets the eye.

  “Well, I’ll see ya around, Lawson.”

  “Yeah, see ya around, Newbie.”

  CHAPTER 7 – PAST

  I don’t hear from Lawson for the rest of the weekend. I make every attempt at distracting myself but there is no denying the sexual tension I felt. Now it appears I must have been imagining it, as it’s been crickets ever since. Like I was merely a pawn in his game. Is this what he’s like with other women? He should know better than to leave a woman scorned if he’s going into politics. That’s what I am right now, scorned. Pissed as hell. He lays me on his couch and tells me I’m special then palms my breasts and then doesn’t call, doesn’t text. Asshole. That’s what he is. On Monday when I see him in his usual spot in the quad between my classes I march up to his usual gaggle of groupies. No one notices my presence except for Finn who comes to join me where I’m standing.

  “Hey Farah,” he says with a smile on his face.

  “Hey Finn,” I say with a plastered-on smile to my face then turn my attention to the other side of the groupies. “Hey Lawson,” I say, pulling his attention from the others around him that he feels so inclined to entertain every day. I shoot daggers at him with my eyes but keep a smile on my face and I hope I look as fucking crazy as I feel.

  “Hey Farah.” He says it with a genuine smile on his face.

  I hate that he feels so unfazed by me and my anger when all I feel is conflict inside of me. I don’t want to feel the things I do for him already. I don’t appreciate that I uprooted my life to move to another state just to become infatuated with the one guy that I know I should be steering clear of. One of the girls with light brown hair laughs at our awkward moment, but then promptly tries to cover it with a cough. Bitch. Finn must feel the tension radiating off of me because I feel my bag pulled from my shoulder.

  “Let’s go, Taylor. I’ll walk you to class,” he offers.

  Newbie. Taylor. Nobody calls me by my first name around here. Nicknames and last names are all I get. I follow Finn even though I want to keep trying to make Lawson feel uncomfortable.

  When we get out of earshot, Finn speaks, “You aren’t going to ever succeed with Lawson like that.”

  “What makes you think I want to succeed in anything with Lawson?” I snap at him, which I know is unfair.

  “The way you just tried to guilt-trip him into noticing you back there? That’s how I know. Look, I think Lawson might like you. He doesn’t bring women over to his place much, but the truth is, he isn’t exactly inclined to settle down with anyone just yet. He feels enough pressure from his family who keeps pushing him on Veronica or any other woman they find to be a suitable partner for when he needs to run for senate. He refuses to date most of the time just to spite them. He knows by the time he decides to run, he’ll have to be married so he’s just spending college sowing wild oats and all that stuff. He’s probably a little confused about it and he’s built th
is persona around being likable and wanted and untouchable. It actually works for him, so just play it cool for a while.”

  I’m not sure why Finn is helping me. Why he is always offering to help me. He is kind and sweet and he is the type of person I should be going after. He’s good looking. Dark hair, a little curly at the ends, tall and lean.

  “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” He laughs at this. “What? You’re a good-looking guy and certainly nice enough and you’re smart, successful.”

  He nods his head like he’s appreciative of everything I’ve said. “Thanks. I do date, here and there. I just haven’t found anyone worth being in a relationship long term. Plus, when one of your best friends is set up to run for senate, you have to wonder if women are just dating you to get to know him.”

  “That’s the shittiest thing I’ve ever heard,” I respond with true disgust. Finn just shrugs and hands me my bag back as we linger at the door. “Thanks for pulling me away from that back there.”

  “No problem. See ya around, Taylor.” This time when he calls me by my last name it doesn’t irritate me as much as before and I’m grateful that Finn was there today.

  ~

  I finish out the week like any other and make every effort to just avoid eye contact with Lawson. I take the long way around to my classes that would normally pass by him and it’s not as hard or hurtful when I don’t have to see him. After a couple days, Finn catches on to my tactics and I find him waiting outside my judicial processes class that he previously had walked with me to a few times. One day we grabbed lunch in the cafeteria after and I have found him to be a comfort to hang out with, a friend outside of Cher and one of the only ones I feel like I’ve made here in the month I’ve been in South Carolina.

  On Friday I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend. I could catch up on some of the reading for my classes and just lay in bed all weekend. I want to go home to see Mom and Dad in a few weeks for Thanksgiving and it wouldn’t hurt to be ahead of my schoolwork when that time comes. I’ve been studying for a few hours when Cher stumbles in looking equally exhausted. She’s wearing her lab coat today, and she really does look like a doctor in it.